At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just high enough for therapy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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