you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
