idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
