we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
