Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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