Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
