Me too!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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