We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize