There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
