Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
