And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
