i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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