shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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