I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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