i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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