Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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