I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
