Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Mom said you looked used
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
