I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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