if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
