Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
