My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
