I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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