Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
