Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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