absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Found the puke drawer
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
