How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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