You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
