I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
