Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
