Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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