I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
