i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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