My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
