this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
