I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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