well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i think i have two assholes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
