i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
