i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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