You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
