even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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