are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
