I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
