you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
