i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
