dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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