I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
