IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
