i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
