so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
