I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
