We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
