omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
