At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
