Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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