Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
