Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Green mimosas i think yes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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