It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
