Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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