NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize