I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
