worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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