so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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