swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
