you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
