If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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