he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
